


The Soldier's sorrow

by Laevateinn



Series: Aftermath of Infinity War [4]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Glimpse of hope for Thor, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), River Tribe, Shuri is a badass, Steve Needs a Hug, Tony and Nebula come back to Earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-07 01:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14660859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laevateinn/pseuds/Laevateinn
Summary: Steve had lost so much in his life. He knew pain. But this time... What happened in Wakanda, and everywhere in the universe... It brought him back to the day he woke up after his sleep in the ice. It was the same all over again.Steve's thoughts and how he deals with the consequences of what happened in Infinity War.Divided in chapters, each focusing on an event, or someone. Tags will be uploaded with each one.1 : Sam(Steve)2 : The lost brothers (Steve and Shuri)3 : News from Titan (Tony and Nebula come back to Earth with good news for Thor)





	1. Sam

**Author's Note:**

> This is it. I cracked. I'm doing something much longer than I intended for Steve.  
> And to say I didn't really like him when I saw the First Avenger...

This chapter takes place after the second ficlet of this series, _Dad_.

* * *

 

Steve looked at the phone in his hands. They were trembling a little. The rush of adrenaline had not finished yet, apparently. This was unusual, it should have stopped hours ago, little after the fight. But after all it wasn’t exactly a regular situation either. They had seen a lot those last years, but this… This should have belonged in a science-fiction movie. And only there. Their world was crazy, but to this point…

The blond shook his head and grimaced a second later because of his headache. He still had trouble believing all this happened. How a single person could just… erase half the universe. It was beyond his understanding. Yeah, the world would be better if the population was lower. They could have better lives. But … you could not just come and decide to kill half the planet ! This was monstrous. Cruel.

 

He took a deep breath. He had to do it. He knew them. But… Were they still even alive to mourn ?

He unlocked Sam’s phone and looked through his contacts. There. Sarah Wilson-Carper.

The super-soldier pressed _Call_ , brought the phone to his left ear and closed his eyes. How was he gonna announce his best friend’s death ? Himself didn’t even know how that happened. They didn’t even have found his wings. Sam had just disappeared like the rest of them.

Someone answered on the fourth ring.

“Hel.. Hello ?” Answered a feminine voice.

“Hello Sarah. This is Steve Rogers.”

 

\----

 

Steve was facing the window. Announcing Sam’s death to his sister had been hard. He had had no explanation to give. Just that the veteran had fought and then vanished **in** ashes. There would be no corpse to bury. He couldn’t join Sam’s brother. Maybe… Maybe he was dead too. He hoped not, because Jim had a kid.

He rubbed his face. He had to find something to do. Sam was the only one who had family to call. His mind wouldn’t stop replaying the events of the day. He ran his right hand in his hair and tugged a little. Why wouldn’t it stop ?! He just wanted five minutes of break.

Natasha. He would go see if she was okay. And then he would check on the others. Maybe after that he would be able to help the civilians ? Yeah, this sounded like a good plan. He could do that.


	2. The lost brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after "The Sun won't shine on us again", and before "M.I.A."

The next day Steve woke up in a start. He had dreamed that every person who died was circling him. They were repeating it was all his fault. He knew it wasn't true, after all, how could he have stopped Thanos on his own ? He had done everything he could. But he couldn't help feeling guilty. Sam would probably call that survivor's guilt.

His chest was rising heavily and he was drenched in sweat. He turned his head to see what time it was and sighed. He had slept three hours. He was never going back to sleep. He laid back for two minutes before sitting upright in his bed. He got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

After a quick shower, he felt slightly more awake. He dressed mechanically and left his room to get somewhere he could eat. He didn't feel the envy, but knew he had to feed his body nonetheless.

His feet took him to the right place, having spent several weeks in Wakanda in the past two years. Natasha and Bruce were already there, sitting close to each other and talking quietly. He smiled lightly to them in greeting. He couldn’t see himself, but he was quite certain it came out as a grimace.

The blond was playing with the remains of his food when he saw Thor enter, the racoon in tow. He nodded politely and resumed his picking. Minutes later Rhodes arrived, accompanied by Okoye who gave him a tight smile. She had seen her king and friend vanish in front of her too.

The Colonel announced that he would make a statement during the day, which would be broadcast for the whole world to see. After all, the major part of the world had had no idea what was happening. He offered a hand, but there was little to do. He would find someone else to help.

Before she left, Okoye told them the Princess was on her way, and that she wanted to talk to him first.

Steve promptly got to his feet, his food forgotten, and exited the room. He had only been in he hallway for two minutes before he heard light footsteps.

"Steve"

Steve turned to see the young woman approach. "Shuri" She seemed nervous, on top of all.

"My comfort for your losses." He nodded, and spoke softly "And mine for yours."

They stayed silent for some seconds, looking each other in the eyes.

"I am going to take the throne." She blurted out suddenly. Steve didn't know what to say, she was so young… "I don't really have a choice. I was next in the line, the leaders of the other tribes are either dead, or too old, and M'Baku prefers to take care of the Jabari who survived." She finished, looking at the Panther statue.

"I … it might not be worth a lot, but I have faith in you."

At these words, she turned and looked at him directly in the eyes. Hers were shiny. "Yes, it is." She paused, wrapped her arms around her waist, sighed, then continued. "I have been raised in the optics that someday I could have to sit on the throne. I know diplomacy, at least as it is needed within Wakanda. I know the outside world too. And I trained with the Dora, in case I had to take the Panther's mantel. I'm not as good as my brother, and I certainly prefer to fight with my technology, but I can take the role. So why do I feel like I know nothing ?"

She was seeking his reassurance, he realised. "Because you just went through a lot a the same time. We have been invaded, and you lost a lot of people you knew. You lost your brother, who was one of the most important person in your life. And instead of focusing only on processing your grief, you have to worry about becoming a Queen as well."

She blinked and let her arms fall. "You're right. You're right about everything but one fact." He tilted his head, waiting for her to develop. "I did not loose a brother..." She began, her eyes watering. "I lost two of them."

Steve felt his breath get caught in his throat. Was she saying … ?

"Bucky had become another brother to me." He closed his eyes for an instant. Buck. He took a deep breath and opened slowly his eyelids. Shuri's hands were trembling at her sides. He saw her resolve slip when a tear rolled down her cheek. He opened his arms and she immediately engulfed herself in his embrace. He wrapped his arms around her shaky shoulders and placed his chin on top of her head. She had to be strong but for now she could express her grief.


	3. News from Titan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and nebula come back to Earth, Thor gets good news, and Steve starts to crumble a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s say the Guardians’ vessel is still functional after what happened, shall we ?

The palace was in effervescence. Dozens of people, plus the remaining Dora Milaje where running down the halls. A small vessel, just bigger than a Quinjet, had arrived in Wakanda minutes ago without authorization.

They had landed near the river tribe’s lands, where Steve was currently helping people. The blond rushed towards it: either the passengers were hurt, and then he could help, either they were a threat and in this case he would protect the villagers until reinforcement came.

He stopped five meters away from the door and waited for it to unlock. Slowly, the ship opened and an average-size man with brown hair stepped up. He took support on the door frame to steady himself and finally revealed his face -and identity-.

 

“Tony ?!” Steve said before rushing to the man, stopping a meter away. Tony took in his appearance and smiled sadly.

“You look like shit, Rogers.”

“You too.”

 

The soldier balanced from a feet onto the other before he engulfed the other man in a tight hug. It didn’t last long, Steve retreating five seconds later, but Tony had the time to reciprocate.

 

“I’m… I’m glad you’re back.” The blond said.

 

Tony nodded, and was about to speak when someone else came out of the ship. The woman was blue, but not of the same shade everywhere. She appeared to be partially robotic, too.

 

“Is Rocket here ?” She asked bluntly.

“Who are you ?” Steve asked.

“Cap, meet Nebula. Nebula, Captain Rogers.”

“I repeat, is Rocket here ?”

“Yes, he is in Wakanda. He must be in the palace.”

“Thank you.”

 

Little by little, people were arriving, and Okoye and some Dora raised their spares.

 

“It’s okay, Okoye. This is Tony Stark.”

“And her ?”

“Nebula is with me.”

 

The general stayed still for some seconds before dropping her weapon, the other Doras imitating her.

 

“Tony, are you the only two ?”

The genius turned his head slowly and lowered his eyes. “Yes. The Guardians, who fought with us, disappeared. Dr Stephen Strange too. And… and Peter.”

“I’m sorry Tony.” Steve put his hand on the other man’s shoulder.

“I’ve got to inform his aunt. Steve… Pepper, is .. is she ?”

“She’s alive. Rhodes, too. He left for DC yesterday evening actually.

 

The two were interrupted by someone shouting.

 

“Nebula !” It was Rocket. He was running. She turned to look at him. “Nebula, were are the others ?”

“I’m sorry, Rocket.”

 

The racoon stopped in his tracks .

 

“No. Not them, too.”

“He killed Gamora to gain the Soul Stone. And the others vanished.”

 

Rocket’s shoulders sagged, and he went to sit on a rock. He then put his elbows on his knees and let his head fall into his hands.

They all watched in silence as Nebula went to sit next to him and pat his shoulder awkwardly.

 

“Where is Thor ?” Tony asked suddenly.

“He is helping around… Okoye ?”

“He was indeed helping the mine tribe this morning. I’ll send a message for him to come.”

“Tell him we have good news. A... Ravager called Kraglin contacted us. They found a part of his people.”

 

 

 

Thirty minutes later, everybody was in a sort of conference room. Shuri had managed to create a connection between Kragklin’s vessel and the Palace. Now, they were only waiting for someone to come and speak to them.

 

Relief flashed upon Thor’s face when he saw a brown-haired woman approach and sit in the chair.

 

“Brunnhilde !”

“Your highness. I’m so relieved to see you. With both eyes.” She said with a smile. “Bruce” she nodded at the scientist who waved his hand in response. “We were intercepted by Ravagers. They took us in. But… some of us vanished the other day.”

“I supposed so. I’m afraid all that remains of Asgard is with you.”

“The rest of the population...”

“Didn’t made it.”

 

The warrior closed her eyes and whispered something close to a prayer. When she opened them again, she frowned.

“I cannot see Prince Loki.”

“My brother was killed by Thanos. Heimdall also died of his hand, just after he summoned the Bifrost one last time.” Thor replied, his face tight.

 

“I… Shall they rest in Valhalla with our great heroes.” Thor nodded and shifted in his seat while the Valkyrie got out of hers. “I will inform the survivors of our losses.” She then bowed her head and retreated. _My king._

 

“What are you going to do now ?” Bruce asked.

“Well, we wanted to come back on Earth. We are here now. We might as well stay. After that … after everything, it’s not like we will lack space.”

 

 

The group decided to get outside while Tony called Pepper and Thor made arrangements with Kraglin.

 

As they stepped in a street, two kids who were holding hands called Steve. He turned to see who it was, and stopped to let them come to him. He knew those kids, he had met them several times. The older was called Bulhe and the other Sipho. They were part of the River tribe.

 

“Steve ! Phi iphimbi elimhlophe ?” Sipho asked. Where was… where was White wolf ?

“Yes, induna, where is he ?” His brother asked, a big frown on his little face. “We didn’t see him since you arrived.”

Steve crouched, on knee on the ground, to speak at their level. “He’s with our ancestors.” He told them. “With the angels” he added, under his breath.

“He’s… he’s _dead_ ?” Bulhe asked in disbelief. Steve nodded, his mouth pinching. 

“No, that’s not fair !” The kid whined. 

 

The two brothers threw themselves into the blonde’s arms and began to cry.

Natasha and Shuri exchanged a glance, their own faces somber.They explained to the others who was this White Wolf and that the kids were from the tribe who took him in. That the kids had grown closer and closer to Bucky, and knew Steve well due to his visits.

 

 

Later, when they were all back inside, Tony placed a hand on Steve’s arm, squeezed briefly and retreated.

 

“I’m sorry for Wilson.” He said. “Wasn’t your fault, Tony. We lost too many people for nothing.”

“That’s for sure. I’ve seen my fair of freaks, but this one was the worst.”

 

Steve simply nodded, and Stark took a step back. The genius was about to exit the room when he stopped and turned again to talk to the soldier.

 

“And Rogers ?” The blond rose his head, slowly. Dark circles were starting to appear under his eyes. “I haven’t completely forgiven him, even if I know it wasn’t really his fault… But I’m sorry you lost Barnes again.”

 

Steve clenched his jaw and crossed his arms on his chest. He sighed and gave Stark a curt nod for unique answer.  
  
Iron man then departed, leaving the blond to face the Wakandan landscape.

He saw Natasha standing not far away from him and walked to her.

 

“Keep an eye on him. He looks calm and all, but he’s gonna blow up.”

“I know. Why do you think I am still here ?” She asked. “But I’m not going to pressure him. I’ll be there if -when- he needs me.”

“I trust you with this. Take care Romanov.”

 

 

Surely Steve would blow up some time. But for the moment, the man was busying himself all day.

He helped the population by doing little things : carrying heavy objects, repairing basic ones, removing garbage...

Wakanda might possess a very advanced technology, their way of life remained traditional. And even when it wasn’t the case, the battle had made a lot of damage, technology included. There was a lot to do.

 

Tony left early in the afternoon. He had to pay a visit to Peter’s aunt and to reunite with Pepper after that. Natasha did what she said she would, and looked after Steve the best she could. But she couldn’t prevent what happened next. She knew he almost didn’t sleep at all, and that he was exhausting himself all day. But, when the villagers contacted her, she didn’t expected to hear that. Steve had simply collapsed of exhaustion in the middle of the ruin and was being taken to Bucky’s hut to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone speaks Xhosa, please let me know if what I wrote is correct. (I used online dictionaries and translators, so...)  
> Induna means Captain, by the way.


End file.
